Satisfying the Urge...

...to cut my hair:

From Thisto this:

Books. And Hair

Reading. Read read read read. That's the life for me...I guess.
As an English Major it's impossible to do anything but read. All.The.Time. And during school I am told to constantly reeeeeead.

"It's not easy: they teach us to read as children, and for the rest of our lives we remain the slaves of all the written stuff they fling in front of us." (If on a Winter's Night a Traveler by Italo Calvino, pg. 49)

So true. But I honestly love to read. I just don't like being told WHAT to read. Though I love suggestions. Do you have any suggestions? I can't wait until I'm done with school and can read all the suggested books people tell me about! Leave me a comment about your favorite book or a good book have you read recently (I know for some of you, those like me, you don't HAVE a favorite book. It's impossible for me to pick).

ALSO:

I went from blonde to brown yesterday. It took forever, but it feels so wonderful. I feel so much prettier as brunette.

Tomorrow I'll be getting a hair cut too. I'll post a new picture then. =)

Monday monday mondayyy...

Dear Monday,
I do not like you. Please leave me alone.

Sincerely,
Your enemy...Weekend.

Haha. I'm trying to have a bit of humor today because well..I'm tired. And I'm sick and tired. And I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. And I'm being a bit pessimistic today.
But here is my plan of attack/goal to make that better:

• Quit Caribou Coffee. I don't enjoy it, it's a stress on my life, and the ONLY reason I haven't quit or reason I would stay is for the money. It drains my precious energy I guess. I'm praying this is the right decision and that God will lead me once I'm done. I'm giving my two weeks notice today.
• Start reading my bible and other Christian related books instead of watching so much TV or spending too much time on Facebook (which my good friend-- best friends husband--has helped me with by blocking Facebook on my laptop. Keeps me off while I'm at school at the very least).
• Start doing Pilates. I NEED to start doing some sort of exercise. Apparently my parents canceled my YMCA membership (which I did not know, but cannot control), and I KNOW I need to be doing something. Especially since winter is coming on quickly. It helps my energy level and my happiness level. At least a little.
• Getting my homework done farther ahead of time, and actually READING what I'm suppose to be reading.
• Going to bed earlier so I can get up earlier so I am not rushing to get everywhere I go.
• Spending less time with my ex. I know I care about him and it's hard for me to be away from him and be alone, but I KNOW I need this. And that he needs this. 

They are all tough things to do. It will noooot be easy. But I'm praying for God's strength and that he'll help me have better self-control. I'm done just being frustrated with myself and saying that I hate my life. It's time for me to just...change it.

Favorite Moment of the Day

Having a philosophical discussion with these two:

<3

Influence

I discovered another new and lovely song. (ok, so I had heard it many times before, but it's really hitting home right now).
I Need You to Love Me
Some of my favorite lyrics:

Why, why are You still here with me
Didn't You see what I've done?
In my shame I want to run and hide myself
But it's here I see the truth
I don't deserve You

The Part about "Why are you still here with me? Didn't you see what I've done?" almost just made me burst into tears when I was listening to it. The whole song is really powerful but another lyric that really speaks to me in my life right now is this:

"I won't keep my heart from You this time"

I want the maker of my life and my soul to know that I love Him and that I NEED Him. I know he knows this. And I know he knows that I know this (haha...sounds like a line from a movie). I just want to reiterate it and acknowledge it.
Anyways, songs and music have been really touching my life lately. I listen to Christian music in the morning and it helps touch my spirit and start my day out right (The north central station, 95 point something, and KTIS 98.5 are the only Minnesota ones I know. Guess I'll have to learn what the stations are in FL when/if I go) and I also try to listen to it whenever I'm in the car. That kind of music makes me feel good inside, and I'm in the car A LOT. So it helps me to have good days when I have good music going into my soul.

I also need good people. I'm in prayer about that right now.

The other thing I'm enjoying right now is a book called "Lady in Waiting: Becoming God's Best while Waiting for Mr. Right" by Jackie Kendall and Debby Jones. That's a book I started thanks to the Best Friend, who read it after a break-up while she waited to "discover" her Hubby, Phil. I admired her so much for breaking up with her ex-boyfriend because he wasn't good for her and I was so proud of her for becoming an amazing woman of God while she "waited." What the book teaches about is finding peace and fulfillment in God, saying that a man won't DO those things and you won't ever be fulfilled by finding a husband, but that you can only be fulfilled when you seek to "be One" with God.

Right now I'm thankful for good music, good literature, and good people. They help influence my life for the better, and I'm thankful.

PS: Lauren. Thank you for being such an amazing influence in my life. I've always looked up to you and you've always been my role model. You have been and continue to be an amazing example. This is a shout out to you. My beautiful best friend. =)

Strong Enough

"Strong Enough"-- Matthew West
You must
You must think I'm strong
To give me what I'm going through

Well, forgive me
Forgive me if I'm wrong
But this looks like more than I can do
On my own

I know I'm not strong enough to be
everything that I'm supposed to be
I give up
I'm not strong enough
Hands of mercy won't you cover me
Lord right now I'm asking you to be
Strong enough
Strong enough
For the both of us

Well, maybe
Maybe that's the point
To reach the point of giving up

Cause when I'm finally
Finally at rock bottom
Well, that's when I start looking up
And reaching out

I know I'm not strong enough to be
Everything that I'm supposed to be
I give up
I'm not strong enough
Hands of mercy won't you cover me
Lord right now I'm asking you to be
Strong enough
Strong enough

Cause I'm broken
Down to nothing
But I'm still holding on to the one thing
You are God
and you are strong
When I am weak

I can do all things
Through Christ who gives me strength
And I don't have to be
Strong enough
Strong enough

I can do all things
Through Christ who gives me strength
And I don't have to be
Strong enough
Strong enough

Oh, yeah

I know I'm not strong enough to be
Everything that I'm supposed to be
I give up
I'm not strong enough
Hands of mercy won't you cover me
Lord right now I'm asking you to be
Strong enough
Strong enough
Strong enough

I just heard this song for the first time, and wow...totally me right now. You should check it out, I really like the song as well as the lyrics! I might even buy Matthew West's CD at some point...

Uprooted and replanted.

OK...so, I'm sorry for not writing after my media fast ended. My life's been...quite a whirlwind.
But I'm still a dreamer, have no doubt.

Isn't it so beautiful? That's Dunedin, Florida
My current life goal is to leave. I just want to go and do and be! My other goal is to dedicate my life to God. I told him to re-shape me and help me to be the person that HE wants me to be. I'm done saying what I want. I want Him to tell me what I want. Haha. I don't know if that even makes sense, but that's just how I feel.

I'm not really sure where my life is heading. And I feel like that's ok...because...I just want God to plan it. For so long I've been trying to force my own way through life and "make my own path" and I didn't really care what anyone else said or thought. Including God. But now I'm free and I'm giving myself back to Him. I know I want to move to Florida, and I know I want to meet someone who will lead me in God's ways and who is a stronger Christian than I am. I also know I want horses. Other than the warmth, a "better" guy, and horses...I have no idea. I'm not in control anymore. And that's a bit scary, but it's also exciting.

I'm excited about life, and I'm excited about what God's going to do for me and with me.

The only thing I can control at the moment is getting to a warmer climate. It's something I've always wanted and I'm praying about it to make sure it's what God wants for me. I think it will be good for me. It'll help me "start over" to be able to pick new people to surround myself with. So...the plan is to finish school, finish my lease, move home with my parents (not something I'm exactly excited about, but the dollar signs are flashing in my head), and eventually move to Florida and live with my aunt or my grandmother.

My family and I (minus one brother, I believe) are going to China next summer to visit two separate orphanages. We're going with a group from our church and I am SO excited about it. I mean... I get to go to CHINA. What a cool opportunity. A chance to serve and be with my Jesus, as well. I can't wait. We're fundraising for that right now and it's on my mind a lot. That's happening in the end of July/beginning of August (I just typed October instead of August...whoops. haha. That would be a BIG window). So I wouldn't be going to Florida until after that for sure. Plenty of time to save for the move, right? Well...we'll just see about that.

So that's how I would describe me right now... a dreamer whose rooted in Jesus Christ.